


Let Me Be

by siba



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Car Accidents, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Seriously tho, all of the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 00:56:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6173725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siba/pseuds/siba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prompt submitted to me on Tumblr. The small fic follows Stan and Kyle through High school, the angst of coming out and admitting something that is hard to accept, and the ultimate test of friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Be

1: "I can't lose you." Style 

(I turned it into a Song Fic, I’m so not sorry)  
\-------------------------------------

Do you hang on every word I say?

There had always been cold weather in South Park, Colorado during the winter. The wind would chill you to the bone through any amount of clothing that was put on in some vain attempt to protect yourself. Winds would whip past you, picking up those tiny fucking crystals of frozen water and sending them directly against your face so that by the time you arrived home, your cheeks were cherry red and nearly numb. At least mine were. Ike was always worse during this time of year when we would walk home from our schools, Ike from South Park Middle School, and I from what we called South High. Of course we were accompanied by Stan, who always wore this worn down, ratty blue and red hat which he had used since the beginning of time to hide his straight brown hair. But the wind, like a frozen wip, always turned Stan’s cheeks a much darker red and nearly froze his hair day after day since he refused to shower at night. It was a whole series of unnecessary things that lead him to nearly getting frostbite day after day, just to walk home from school with Ike and I.   
So I finally caved in, our Sophomore year in highschool, just before either of us could drive, I bought Stan a functional hat, exactly like his old one. Although I was unsure as to how to give it to him. After all, you can’t just hand it to him and say ‘Here I was thinking of you when I bought this-’ No, that’s gay. So instead, I kept it for a day or two after I bought it, making sure it picked up some of the scents of my house and backpack. I even ripped off the tag and tried to dirty it as much as I could in two days. When the time elapsed, I grabbed it from my locker and tossed it to him so that it hit him square in the face. Before Stan had the opportunity to say anything, I muttered,. “Here, protect your damn head. Idiot.” He never asked, and I never said where I got it. But I never saw him wear that old tattered hat again.

Lose yourself in time, At the mention of my name

“Kyle-” I said once more, waiting for his response with baited breath and a rather deep furrow between my eyebrows, one that I could feel would cause a headache if I kept staring at my best friend like that. After all, he looked like he had been shot in the face. His eyes were wide, and a wisp of crimson hair was just barely hanging over his left eye. If he were his normal self at the current moment, it would have been pushed away in one swift movement.   
“Kyle-”  
I tried again, nearly throwing the napkin in my lap at his stupefied face. It was that expression that clearly said that he was surprised, But I wasn’t entirely sure why he was.  
“-Dude, I’m getting married.”  
That’s what it was that sent my best friend of over ten years into shock, my sudden proposal to my long-time girlfriend, Wendy. Throughout highschool and college we’d been on and off more times than I’d care to admit, but that was because we were usually ten pages ahead or behind one another. When we finally graduated and got some space, we were able to catch up and figure out what page we were both finally on in the damn relationship. It didn’t take long after that for me to consider it, and I couldn’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t marry her. She was funny, beautiful, witty, and eons more that I didn’t think I would ever be able to find in anyone else.   
All Kyle said that night on it, was a mumbled “I’m happy for you, Stan..” But the dinner wasn’t awkward. It was never awkward when it was just Kyle and I. But I did notice, rather foolishly, that he seemed detached. But I didn’t push it. He was lost in his own little world where time and space itself didn’t exist. A world that I didn’t remember, nearly a year before after drinking too much at a party..  
A world where I loved Kyle, and he loved me, much more than friends.   
But I didn’t remember that world when the sun arose, thanks to the throws of a terrible hangover and too much tequila shared the night before.

Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close, and have you tell me, whichever road you’ll choose I’ll go?

I couldn’t have imagined a better way to die, saving Stan. Except for maybe if I were saving Ike, who had so much life ahead of him and so much to live for; like Stan. He had his wedding to look forward to, his marriage to the woman who stole away my best-friend and the only man I would ever admit that I loved.   
So what? I did love Stan, what was not to love? He was everything I looked for and more. That one night we shared, after a long night of drinking amongst our peers at college, had been the best night of my life. Stan’s hands were so strong, yet so gentle when he had held me in the throws of passion. For one night, our hearts beat as one and I could finally express how much he meant to me. But when the morning sun rose the next morning, awakening us from our drunken haze; I rose with memories of the night before. Stan remembered nothing.   
Some days, I wished I had forgotten it all. I hoped that I could lose the burden of knowing that he loved me for just a night.   
I did lose it.   
Twas the night before the wedding when Stan got hammered again and decided that it was best that we go home, so he could sleep it off just in time to meet his bride at the end of the aisle. I hadn’t drank, I made sure not to because I knew what would happen, he’d get hammered. My job was to get Stan home safely and get him down the aisle at three in the afternoon the next day. What my job didn’t entail, was throwing myself in front of Stan seconds before a speeding Semi-Truck struck my car head on.  
The guy had fallen asleep at the wheel.   
It smashed the entire front end of my car, and the speed at which he was travelling made my car look like a crushed tin-can.   
I don’t remember anything past the cacophony of sounds that assaulted my ears just seconds into the crash, metal and glass breaking and reshaping to the design set forth by the semi. The terrible screeching of tires filled my ears for the latter part of ten minutes. Until the sounds were all but drowned out by what sounded like shouting and the rustle of broken glass..  
But all I heard after that, was his voice. That sweet voice which I had listened to for so many nights, just talking about anything and everything.   
Now it was broken by sobs and sniffles, making it so that I would rather listen to a thousand years of breaking glass and metal before listening to his pained voice.  
“K-kyle, I-I can’t lose you.”

“I love you.”


End file.
